1.Alone With The TV
Lyricist：Kofi Akyin Hanson, Owura Nyanin, Michael Geoffrey Skinner
She could have waited till I got home
Now she's on the train while I'm on my own
First thing this morning, you ironed my shirt for me
Lunch break, we were fighting on the phone
This evening brought back DVDs but I'm alone with the TV
First thing this morning, your head was on my chest
I had to be up early so I left you in the bed
You looked so enticing curled under the duvet
But I couldn't jump back in 'cause I didn't wanna be late
You laid there so calmly as I quickly got dressed
And my Armani cardie and shirt they were neatly pressed
I wanted to say bye but I didn't wanna wake you up
So I thought I'd give you a call on my lunch break or something
At lunch break, I rung you on the house phone
But you never answered
So I hung up and rung back on the voda
We were chattin' so kosher
But then you started to moan, love
About how I never give you no time
When I'm out on the roads 'nuff
I couldn't take all this long talk
So I told you please ease off
I had to press the red button with my thumb
'Cause I was so peed off
This evening I bought back some Chinese to munch
And I even went an' got some DVDs to watch
First thing this morning, you ironed my shirt for me
At lunch break, you were vibin' on the phone
This evenin' I bought back DVDs but I'm alone with the TV
My head in my hands
Starin' right at my hair brush on the table
Beside my cuppa tea and toast still untouched
My fist on the table, eyes fixed on the carpet
Telephone going off, can't be arsed to go and answer it
My head in my hands 'cause I opened up the front door
To see if there was any post for me on the floor in the porch
My fists on the table 'cause the letter I just read in black
Had just said that you had left with my best friend
My eyes to the ceiling 'cause I thought it was all a joke
Til I opened up your wardrobe, no hangers, no clothes
My head in my hands 'cause the photo I'm holding
Is a photo of you and your fuckin' smile
First thing this morning, you ironed my shirt for me
At lunch break, you were vibin' on the phone
This evenin' I bought back DVDs but I'm alone with the TV
This evening, I have bought back love actually
'Cause I thought what we had was actually love
But I cant see your Gucci scarf or your Zara gloves
There ain't no Mac lip gloss or eyeliner or stuff
On the bathroom sink there's only one toothbrush
There's only one face wash, there's only one sponge
On the table by the stove, there's a note and a biro
I'm trying to chase you on the voda, love
Just to ask you why go
At lunch break I should have listened
To your whinin' on the phone and not been so impatient
Or tired of your moanin'
I should have told you we'll sort it when
I get in at 6 and settle our differences by talkin' it out and
shit
First thing this morning, I should have rubbed off Simones
Paulas and Josephines numbers off my phone
If I'd done that this morning, you'd be here at home
If I'd done that this morning, I wouldn't be alone
First thing this morning, you ironed my shirt for me
At lunch break you were vibin' on the phone
This evenin' I bought back DVDs but I'm alone with the TV
First thing this morning, you ironed my shirt for me
At lunch break you were vibin' on the phone
This evenin' I bought back DVDs but I'm alone with the TV
She could have waited til I got home
Now she's on the train while I'm on my own
2.Harvey Nicks
Lyricist：Kofi Hanson, Owura Nyanin, Michael Skinner
Huh, the kind of girl
That works in Harvey Nicks, yeah
Is the kind of girl
That's got fucking barely rounda bags
And I don't mean bags, bags
I mean like shopping bags, serious
I never liked Dry Your Eyes anyways
The only person that liked it was my mum
You know what I mean？
'Cause man had flippin' overalls on
The pretty bird behind the tills
Takin' the piss outta man
Even giving man no help
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
The last time we was in here
We just lined with despair
The pretty bird behind the till
Was flipping through Marie Claire
Flicking the end of her hair
Fidgeting, all nervous
Had us thinking
'Where the fuck is the customer service？'
Must have been the flippin'
Shabby overalls we're wearing
And the batch of Classics
That were on the verge of tearing
'Cause aunty's front room
Needed redecorating
So we painted it light blue
To make it look more radiant
But today that ain't the case
(Na mate)
It's Lionel Scott cardigans
That us man were dreamt in
The pretty bird behind the till's
Grin is so blatant
And suckin man's bottom
'Cause she must think we got the papers
So from this day forth, we must always recall
Never ever to come back in here in overalls
'Cause pretty birds behind tills
They don't like to smile and talk
To breh's bowling down in fucking overalls
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
It's as if she's never
Seen our mugs in here before
'Cause as soon as we was about to make a move
She released the door
Pointing her finger at her assistant
To attend to both of our needs
Chucking an opener on the counter
Strutting towards Teddy and me
Now it's all a guided tour
Through the Lacoste, new seasons
Compliments on our retirements
Mixing, offering us greetings
Not to mention the welcome
And the private seating
That they usually use
For the service twats
With the request to them
To bring the teas in
But the other day, that weren't the case
Na mate
It was her on the phone to the security guard
To follow us for no damn reason
Lookin down at our watch
Giving us the cold shoulder treatment
Asking us if we could hurry up
'Cause they were closing early that evening
So from that day forth, we have always remembered
Never ever to wear overalls, it's just absurd
'Cause overall, all over, overalls don't work
'Cause now that we're in London
It's got the bird flicking up her skirt
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
When I shop at Harvey Nicks
Everyone thinks I'm a star
'Cause I wear my rented blazer
And I step out my rented car
A little girl with a pen ran up to me
And said, 'I know who you are'
But when I gave her my autograph
She said, 'Mum, is this how you spell Lemar？'
When I shop at Harvey Nicks
The security give me grief
They must think I'm a thief
'Cause I don't sound like the streets
Even when I'm just trying it on
They think I'm trying it on
I said 'why would I steal from you？ I'm loaded'
Then they called the police
'There's a guy with a gun'
Despite this, I like shopping here
'Cause it's a lot quicker than eBay
I bumped into this Labour MP
Who was looking for a pair of CK
I said,'Hi, I'm Sway
And I hope you're having a nice day'
Then I slapped him in his face
And said,'What type of party doesn't have a DJ？'
I remember the first time I came here
I was shoplifting and got nabbed
In the shop lift I got grabbed
'Hey you, excuse me, open your bag'
I got put in a pair of handcuffs
All for a pair of cufflinks
I said,'Please sir, don't send me to prison
If it's anything like Butlins'
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
When I drop in Harvey Nicks
To shop in Harvey Nicks
If I don't look hardly slick
Or appear hardly fit
The cashier don't hardly trip
The lady hardly flits
Unless I'm wearing barmy shit
Or garments that are the shit
It don't mean anything anyway man
Harvey Nicks is shit
I'm all about Selfridges
Seriously Selfridges, man
Harvey Nicks is the kind of place
Ted Mayern goes
Don't wanna shop in the same shop as him
'Cause that cunt looks like a fucking clown
See what she does then
Slag, slag, slag
That might not be a good idea
But still
3.When The Whistle Blows
Lyricist：Kofi Akyin Hanson, Owura Nyanin, Michael Geoffrey Skinner
Oi ref, you blatantly saw his left leg
Clipping Ryan in the box, that's a red
He was one on one with the keeper
Have a word with the linesman flagging on your left
I mean they should be playing with 10 men
He was well past the line, past defense
What the fuck are they saying？
Come on, what's the delay？
Send him off to the, the bench
What do you mean he was fucking offside？
Ain't you flippin' opened your eyes？
He was through on the ball
And his right foot to score in the top corner to equalize
Ref, he should be taking the spot kick
Are you a fucking alcoholic？
You was meters away, mate, give us a break
We don't take it out of your pocket
That's fucking out of order, ref, how come？
You were quick to book him, what has he done？
What do you mean for dissent and recent comments
When I was just having some fun？
He just shakes his head and fucking walks away
There's 10 minutes left, it's always his way
Every time we've met, he's fucked up the day
Without the referee, it'd be a fairer game
It's common sense lads, fucking common sense
All the fucking balls stay on offense
Defense, defend, we've only got 20 to go till the end
What is the keeper playing at？
Stay on your fucking line, Matt stay on his back
Fucking tackle, what do you mean your ankle？
Ref's pulling your leg, I can see from this angle
That's not a fucking card, fuck off, never
He's not fucking hurt, he's trying to be fucking clever
Hold your tongue, Paul, son, keep it together
Or that could be you in the fucking black book
And that's far from a fucking happy look
We dropped down the drain, fancy getting some hooks
Fuck's sake, is he off？ Or is he off the hook？
Only a fucking caution, nearly had me shook
But a free kick in our direction
Right at the edge of the box we'll need protection
Oh shit, El Guerro takes it in discretion
Come on boys, sort out your fucking selection
He places the ball, then goes takes six steps back
There's a hole in the wall, someone please fill the gap
If he fucking scores, I'll be facing the sack
Not to mention my head in the sun getting axed
Fucking hell keeper, keep on your toes
He's gonna swing it up in the corner, here he goes
On your right son, shit, I can read his flow
It's curling, it's curling, don't let it go
Oh fuck no, I fucking knew it
I fucking knew it, we've gone and blew it
At 5 on the clock we had the game in the bag
Was winning the nag, now we're heading out
Must have had the right idea
We're scratching our heads in doubt
I've gone down the drain and another round
When me and the lads all meet down the Flushing Dam
2 minutes left, might as well check the oven now
Who？ Us？ When？ How？ I mean who got fouled？
A fucking penalty, now we're in with a shout
I cant believe it, come on, Jase, do us proud
Come on mate, come on mate, to your left
To your left mate, come on, you can do it
What the f, what the, what the fuck's wrong with this TV？
4.Excuse My Brother
Lyricist：Kofi Akyin Hanson, Owura Nyanin, Michael Geoffrey Skinner
Tony, Tony, Tony
Only had a couple
But he's had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot
But she hasn't bared a drop
And thus everyone stares too much
Cor blimey, see that bird, take a good look at her skirt
Oh me word, I can see heaven take me far from Earth
I'll have some of that, love, how much are you worth？
No, I'm not being tricky love, this glass is me first
Now how about a score？ Okay then 25
Why did you slap me for？ I was trying ta be kind
Go get your boyfriend then, I ain't gonna run
So what if he's a boxer, I'm already numb
Now out of the way, it's me turn same again, son
What did you say, cunt？ I'll tell you when I'm done
I'm drunk, you're flippin' drunk, in fact you're raw some
Come on then, let's have it then, now where the hell's me gun？
Oh you all think it's a joke, well let's just see
When I count to three, you will all respect me
Dead bag I Tony, everyone knows me
What's wrong now sweetheart, are we getting cold feet？
But he's had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot
But she hasn't bared a drop
And thus everyone stares too much
Excuse me, can I have a word outside if you please？
What if I refuse, what are you gonna do, geez？
Oi, lets cut to the chase, did you disrespect me Stace？
Oh you mean that slag, she's a bloody disgrace
I offered her 25, and she slapped me in me face
I mean, would you believe it, Ted？ Right in me face
She's lucky she didn't get put right in her place
That's it, I've had enough, outside, come on, let's go now
Listen, bruv, that's enough
I'll put it blunt, you're looking like a cunt
Breathe in, breathe out
Or you'll end up in the back of the meat van
Like you always do when you have a glass of gin and juice
Causing trouble in the venue
What you trying to make the 10 o'clock news？
No, no, don't talk, your ignorance will be a downfall
What you gotta shout loud for？
Embarrassing yourself when you're outdoors
Talking like you got big balls
Gritting your teeth like a Pit Bull
Looking like you're gonna be sick
Dude, check yourself, mate, you're a Mitchell
But he's had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot
But she hasn't bared a drop
And thus everyone stares too much
Please excuse my brother
He's got too much booze in his bladder
Giving you all the chitter chatter
Getting all rude in a geezer manner
Please accept my apologies on his behalf
And I don't think that he really meant to squeeze your arse
But he was being an idiot that I can't deny, I must admit
That he was out of line, and he pushed it just a little bit
But what about you though, showing off flesh like a sumo
Your skirts up too high, and your top's cut too low
And there's your boyfriend, acting like a boss, kinda like Hugo
Put yourself in my brother's shoes mate, what if it was you,
bro？
Let's just all get along
Do a little dance to some songs
Forget about this nonsense
We can all move on
Tony, Tony, Tony
Only had a couple
5.Michael Jackson
Lyricist：Kofi Akyin Hanson, Owura Nyanin, Michael Geoffrey Skinner
Oh, yeah
La la la
La la
Grab your crutch, spin around
Stand on your tippee-toes
Straight into the moonwalk
And then you scream 'Oh'
You pulled it off then you had a glow
That kept me in me bedroom with me door closed
Bad imitate there, practiced till I aced it
Couldn't wait to hit the dance floor and see them faces
Thought I would never leave me seat
Till the DJ put on Billie Jean
That was my time to show off and right
Once I was in my black loafers I shined twice
The only thing missing was the glove
But that didn't stop me strutting my stuff
Kick my legs out, clutch me hat
Throw it to the darling in the back
Twist my neck, rub me hands, 1, 2, 3, 4 and
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Spin around have the world in a gaze
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Hit the ground, glide across the stage
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Getting down with my shoulders shakin'
I said, I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Hee, hee, aoow
When I took a deep breath and lifted my head up
That's when I wanted to be the man in the mirror
Right after I saw the zombies in 'Thriller'
I was no longer scared, so I got a copy of 'Bad' on VHS
Stayed up watching it to way past ten
Played the car park scene over again and again
Religiously like a prayer anywhere I could find a wooden floor
I would have a crack at doing the moonwalk
Till I bounced my back off the wall, woo
I spent half of my days lost in my thoughts
In the middle of stages, standing tall
Spinning around, leaving the whole crowd in awe, ooh
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Spin around have the world in a gaze
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Hit the ground, glide across the stage
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Getting down with my shoulders shakin'
I said, I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Hee, hee, aoow
Standing there
I could swear I was Michael Jackson
Yeah heh, yeah heh
Standing there
I could swear I was Michael Jackson
Standing there
I could swear I was Michael Jackson
Yeah heh, yeah heh
Standing there
I could swear I was Michael Jackson
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Spin around have the world in a gaze
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Hit the ground, glide across the stage
I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Getting down with my shoulders shakin'
I said, I wish I could move like Michael Jackson
Hee, hee, aoow
6.She's Got It All Wrong
What I'm saying is this, yeah
Every time when I tell you like
You know what I mean like
Don't fucking go mad over your chick
This, that, this, that
It's for your own good
It's called, na, na, it is, it's called experience
Bruv, you know what yeah, what experience？
What so you've gone mad over a chick
Yeah, I have once and I'm not doing that shit again
You're fucking crazy
There's no point in telling her the truth
'Cause she's not gonna believe it
You know what I mean
She's just gonna listen to her friends
Her fucking friends, you know what I mean
So like, just like, forget about her
Let's go get some drinks
You know what I mean, go check some more yatis
Bruv, why did she hang up？
I know there's still anger
I put my hands up, yes, I was a wanker
I did lead with Tanya, when I left Tantra
She had one too many so I called a cab
I don't understand her, I never did grab her
She's listening to Amber and we don't get on
Okay before, I did get caught
But to jeopardize us again, I couldn't do
Her friend ain't talking sense
See me and Tanya, we're only just breadrins
Her friend never saw anything
We got in, I dropped her off to her rents
This morning it got light but I'd still not been to sleep
Thinking of what to do to ease this grief
I know I lied but I had a reason, please believe
I fold the pillow and try an' squeeze some sleep
Please don't delete my phone number please
I know you don't need to mope about me
I did go with Lis, she phoned to speak
She wants me back but I want you
Don't shoot through, you're going to lose
A bloke who's truly devoted to you
I owe to you, to know a few truths
Home truth truths, you going to screw
Your friends are not talking sense
Are you sure your head ignores them？
Your friends never saw anything
We talked then, I walked to my ends
This morning it got light but I'd still not been to sleep
Thinking of what to do to ease this grief
I know I lied but I had a reason, please believe
I fold the pillow and try an' squeeze some sleep
Bruv, I'll tell you this for free
Ambers chatting shit again
She needs to go on Trisha
With all her fucking shenanigans
She's just sad and bitter
'Cause her and her man split up
So now she wants her and
The girls to be a gang of spinsters
And bruv, huh, I told you
You cant be chatting to Tanya
So when she calls you, just blank her
That night I went to Ten Rooms after Tantra
But I didn't think you and her
Would jump in the same cab, bruv
Listen bruv, just give your girl time and space
Maybe a couple of days, to get her mind straight
Serious bruv listen, allow it for a bit
And if she's got any sense
She'll know Amber's chatting shit
This morning it got light but I'd still not been to sleep
Thinking of what to do to ease this grief
I know I lied but I had a reason, please believe
I fold the pillow and try an' squeeze some sleep
7.Fuck Me？ Fuck You!
Yeah man, what fuck you want me to do？
You want me to phone your girlfriend, yeah
And apologize on your behalf？
Does it look like I got 'Cunt' on my forehead？
No one's saying you're a cunt
But at the end of the day I'm asking you a favor
Nah, man
So what？ Wouldn't I do the same thing for you
Bruv, I would not ask you to phone my girlfriend
Ah you fuckin' prick
Sometimes you act like you're dumb or thick
Can't you take the hint that I can't let you in
You're such a pain in the arse you are
I should spark your jaw
On my free phone there's 3 missed calls
Shouting through my letter box all pissed off
I don't give a shit, so prick, piss off
Plus I got a yatty in the gaff with a batty
That is ready for some lashing from the back
She's been here since pop world started
And I ain't even got to pop her bra yet
All you really care about is football
Every fucking hour it's Liverpool, Liverpool
We'll you've picked the wrong day, prick
I don't care if you're pissed off, you make me sick
Fuck Tony
Fuck Tony
Fuck Tony
Fuck Tony
You unreliable cunt
This is about the third time I have rung
You know I'm supposed to beat your drum
Kick off's at 2 and it's half past 1
Look at you in and done, it's the cup final
And you know I'm a Liverpool fan, Steve's my idol
And we both came up with the plan to tell the guys to
That we were all going to jam in your living room
In front of the digital
Even when I got the Guinness and the chicken patties
Who the fuck do you think are getting me flippin' abby
You're taking the liberty, you're a prick
I go round your house to give your door a couple of kicks
I bet your in the room right now
With the blinds down but I'll soon find out
You're takin' the piss last week was my shout
Paid for the box office for that big title bout
Fuck Teddy
Fuck Teddy
Fuck Teddy
Fuck Teddy
For your own sake and future reference mate
Do yourself a favor, call 08 702 40 40 40
Then you won't have to be calling me
Calling me, calling me, you tight cunt
Get your paper out your pocket
And pay for the satellite dish or cable socket
And don't come around here chatting shit again
When I'm about to get a yatty with a batty in my bed
Next time when you'll need a favor, bruv
Think before you call 'cause I'll hang up
All 'cause of you the guy that keeps texting me endlessly
Now my box is full with so many damn messages
You arse, go get your facts straight
You said it was cool to come and watch the game
So don't make promises you can't keep
Oh yeah and I'm keeping your DVD, you cunt
You know don't worry, I won't ask you a favor again
I don't give a fuck what you do mate
'Cause know what I mean 'cause you can't try
And get me to phone your girl
And know what I mean
It's no fuckin' meals and boobs business around here, mate
What you talking about？
I don't give a fuck, fuck what you talkin' about
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